I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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