look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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