It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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