and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
