eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
sarcasm needs its own font
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Are my feet made of real feet?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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