It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
