did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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