I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
