i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I love having hate sex.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
