there was a trapeze. enough said
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
