I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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