I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize