Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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