Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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