So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize