So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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