btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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