i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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