Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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