I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
