shes about as inviting as chlamydia
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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