Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
