Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
