I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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