trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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