you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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