i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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