I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
