how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
