i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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