I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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