My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
