He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize