we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
