Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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