No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
