taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
