I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize