When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
