drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I am naked and annoyed.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
