margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
