We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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