thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
