Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Shame - the story of my life.
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