So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
