apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
