He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize