her vagina looked like bernie madoff
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
