I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
