How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
did i just pee glitter
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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