I didn't shave. On purpose
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
