He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
