quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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