A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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