Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
