Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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