Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize