I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Randomize
