he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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