At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
