i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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