this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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