Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
