She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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