how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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