I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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