Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
