i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
P.S. I can't hear my feet
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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