Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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