there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
