I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
That accounts for only three of the penises
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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