You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
