At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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