How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
