hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
