I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
