How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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