I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize