Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
