i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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