I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
