I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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