Welp...herpes.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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