ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
