Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Randomize
