the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
