he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
