i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
