Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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