there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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