i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
